The ladies who are addicted to switching up the hair situation know the scenario well: You’re happy with your cut and you love your color, but something just needs to change. Suddenly, it comes to you. You think, ‘Hey, what about bangs?’ The last bang episode was a terrible life choice, but hey, why not try them again for some inexplicable reason?
So you do it – you give the OK to your trusted hairdresser. As the scissors come closer toward your face, you already have that sinking feeling that you’ve made a mistake. But the hair falls onto the floor in an instant, and the damage is done.
The regret goes away pretty quickly, though, because your hairdresser works magic on your bangs to make them swoop gently across your forehead. You walk out of the salon feeling confident, fashion-forward and satisfied with the slight change in style. But the satisfaction is short-lived when that slight change turns into a living nightmare.
As the next few days play out, you remember that as it turns out, you are not a hairdresser. You have no clue how to even work a curling iron without burning yourself, let alone style bangs properly. No matter what you do, the stupid little hairs stick to your oily forehead (especially in the summertime), and end up looking as though you haven’t washed your hair in a month. Fantastic. On top of that, your foundation rubs off on them. Makeup-colored bangs? How fun. They get windblown and stick up every which way. Flat irons make them look too severe. And you can’t curl your bangs because they’ll end up looking too curly (and again, the burning thing – using a hot device near your eyes is just a disaster waiting to happen). Basically, every day becomes a bad hair day, despite the fact that the rest of your hair looks just fine, and would look even better if, oh yeah, you hadn’t gotten bangs to begin with.
This is only the beginning. After you quickly get sick of your bangs and decide to grow them out, you realize you’ve entered the seventh circle of hell. Despite Zooey Deschanel’s constant state of adorable fringe, there is nothing cute about the average person with hair in their eyes. It gets stuck in your mascara, or a loose strand floats into your eye. You end up looking like a twitchy mess.
So, you decide to pull your bangs out of your eyes. Which is a great relief for all of five minutes, until it dawns on you that all options for pulling back said bangs involve looking like a 6-year-old on picture day. If your bangs are too short, headbands won’t hold them back for long. And using your ’90s butterfly clips certainly isn’t an option. So, you suffer through it. You distractedly push them to the side while engaging in important conversations. You work the awkward side bang.
After months of anguish, your bangs finally, finally grow out. You swear you’ll never get torturous bangs again. Not ever. Until you go back to the salon one day and think ‘Hmm, but maybe just wispy bangs this time?’