Recently, I’ve been wondering what the perfect New Year’s Eve would be like. Every time New Year’s comes up in a movie or a TV show, it’s always made out to be such a glamorous and fun affair. Key example? When Harry Met Sally. Best New Year’s scene ever.
As yet another New Year’s Eve approaches, I’ve found myself reflecting on the eves of New Years past and they’ve been, well a little different than the Hollywood versions. There was the one where my friend and I opted not to go out and instead found ourselves sweaty and disgusting messes after playing too much Just Dance. Then there was the New Year’s where I worked the night shift and was asked by all my customers why I wasn’t out on a date. Then there was the year when my aunt from Florida came up, practically forced my family to go up to a cabin in Maine, and then later, rather melodramatically, exclaimed “For God’s sake, you girls should both be out with dates!” which obviously resulted with my sister and I crying over our pathetic existence as the clock struck midnight.
Last year’s was a bit better, minus the falling down a flight of stairs in front of a roomful of people I didn’t know and accidentally shattering a glass no more than two minutes after recovering from the first mishap. Needless to say, when it comes to this New Year’s Eve, I’m not holding my breath. Instead, I’ll imagine what it would be like to be going to have some amazing loft party with a few of my closest celebrity friends. Let’s see…
Jimmy Fallon, Taylor Swift, and I would have spent at least two weeks planning the ultimate New Year’s Eve bash. Jimmy will take care of all of the amazing games, and naturally, the Roots will provide the soundtrack. Taylor will do her thing and set up some fantastic photo booth where my guests will take ridiculously goofy photos that will wind up going viral on Instagram.
My two BFFs, Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Schumer, will stumble in early together and start cracking jokes immediately. This will cause me to laugh so hard that tears will fill my eyes, smudging the mascara and eyeliner that I applied so meticulously to my face, but I won’t even be mad about it.
Will Ferrell will arrive next, dressed as Bro Santa, and spend the rest of the evening causing Jimmy to break out in fits of giggles every 20 seconds. Naturally, the entire cast of SNL‘s past will wind up at my door following the video Jimmy posts to his Facebook page.
While the funny people do their thing and Taylor chases my cat around with antlers she made out of one of my old dish towels, the Brits will finally arrive. Colin Firth, ever a gentleman, will have brought me a new journal to start for the new year. Tom Hiddleston will get the dance party started, and Ian McKellan and Patrick Stewart will be giving an impromptu performance of their new two man act, When Gandalf Met Captain Jean-Luc Picard.
At 11:30, Ellen Degeneres will drag Rihanna in and that girl will finally give me my money and all will be right with the world. Everyone will be having a fantastic time while Drake passes around cups of his Hot-toddie Bling, and I will have escaped for a quiet moment of reflection, staring out the window of my bedroom overlooking the sea of lights that is NYC. It begins snowing, and a small, sad smile finds its way to my lips.
“This night was almost perfect…” I’ll say quietly out loud.
“It is perfect,” a voice will say from my doorway. I turn around and, gasp! It’s him, Star-Lord.
He takes my hand and leads me back out to my fabulous friends just as the countdown to midnight begins. We kiss a firework-inducing kiss just as Meryl Streep walks in and yells out “LET’S BREAK THE INTERNET PART INFINITY!” Naturally, the most incredible picture of all time is then taken and I go down in New Year’s Eve history.
And that, my friends, is the perfect New Year’s Eve. The Daily Quirk wishes you and yours a very happy, healthy, and quirky New Year!