An Open Letter to British Television

Image Credit: Hartswood Films for MASTERPIECE

Image Credit: Hartswood Films for MASTERPIECE

Dear British Television,

Why are you trying to kill me? Between the anxiety you induce by making me wait forever for a new series of a show and then the heart wrenching you compel when the show finally comes back, I’m convinced you want me dead. Maybe I’m being a little paranoid and this should only be addressed to the shows you send my television all the way across the pond and not all of British Television… and I guess I can exclude the comedies, although some of them have made me laugh so hard I’m pretty sure I’ve stopped breathing for a second, but still. It’s like you know what you’re doing to me and every other fan out there, and I can just picture some of you (ehm ehm Moffat) sitting in a dark room somewhere wringing your hands while you laugh evilly about what you’ll do to us next.

Waiting for new episodes of one of yours series is like being in a long distance relationship with someone who only cares enough to give you short teases of what is going on with them and sends you pictures that make you even more curious than you were before. It’s cruel cruel torture and you know it. That being said, please don’t stop. I live for those small bit of joy even if you could care less about the agony you put me through.

And it’s not just the waiting. Every show from Doctor Who, to Luther, to Sherlock, Being Human and Downton Abbey seems specifically designed to shatter my existence. Why do you make these characters who it is impossible not to become emotionally attached to and then make me worry for them so? I won’t even go into what the The Reichenbach Fall has done to my emotional well being. It’s just wrong. Why can none of your characters have a little bit of prolonged happiness without the entire world being pulled out from under them? Why British Television? Why?

Even worse, why do you parade out such a ridiculously handsome smorgasbord of men and then make their characters so incredibly attractive, flaws and all? Aiden Turner’s Mitchell was the first vampire I ever fell for and Dan Stevens portrayal of Mathew Crowely makes it impossible not to swoon, and while we’re talking about swooning Idris Elba’s troubled cop John Luther is one hunk of messed up goodness. To this day, I can barely talk about how much I mourn the loss of  the sexiest nerd to ever exist, David Tennant, as the Tenth Doctor, but we can’t get into that or I may start crying instead of finishing this article. Not to mention that whoever came up with casting Benedict Cumberbatch, with his ethereal sharp features and the voice and the eyes and the height and the everything, as Sherlock should be both knighted and then shot for what he’s done to women everywhere.

Did you not know I would fall in love with every single one of them? No, you knew British Television and you did it anyway because you are clearly out to get me. You have turned me into a woman who would happily go to jail for polygamy… if it were possible to get a fictional character to fall in love with me and marry me. Who am I kidding? I would take the actors themselves in a heartbeat. I would even accept a one out of two deal on the falling and love and marriage as long as there was some sort of physical contact clause included. Of course, that will never happen either no matter how many nights I stay away praying to gods of the fandoms.

British Television, it’s like you were invented solely for the purpose of ripping my poor fangirl heart from my chest and then doing a happy dance while I lay on the ground in a puddle of my own tears begging for some more of the same. Our relationship is clearly unhealthy, with you wanting me dead and my high degree of compulsive obsession, but alas I fear it’s destined to continue until you succeed or another country starts putting out such compelling dramas.


Ashley G

TDQ Tags TDQblogger001

22 thoughts on “An Open Letter to British Television

  1. Miriam louro says:

    Ashley, you did a perfect resume of my, and millons perhaps, feelings, even when I live in the other side of the world, I cannt wait for more or their jobs, and search and blame, and dream. They definetly know how to apply to us the Stockholm television syndrome. Mean loving people.

  2. Sarah H says:

    Hi Ashley I live in Britain and echo those same words you’ve spoken. The waiting is a nightmare most definitely especially for the next Sherlock series, all I can say is I’m very sure it will be well worth waiting for, just wish it would hurry up!!! Hang in there my dear it will all be ok 🙂

  3. Karen Hart says:

    The fact that I’m crazy about Moriarity is VERY troubling! I don’t believe in his brand of wanton killing but he HYPNOTIZES me! British TV brings out sides of one that are surprising- please, DON’T STOP!!!:) Such FUN.

  4. philosophercandy says:

    Ashley, thank you for eloquently putting my agonies into words. I don’t think I will be able to last till Sherlock Season 3. I have been severely afflicted, shattered, smittened and besotted by the one-and-only out-of-this-world Mr.Benedict Cumberbatch. The effects have been quite devastating. My husband fully symphatizes with my plights of pining, swooning and sighing. Please let us know whether there are any responses from the powers that be”

  5. Dale Bellamy says:

    Ashley, I must say firstly I love your letter!

    Secondly I understand what you mean.. The same is true ‘Down Under’ as well the BBC tends to forget about us.. We had to wait til 2007 for the new series to start here.. I wasn’t a happy camper..

    On a good note, the new series starts next week..

  6. Amanda says:

    This! Yes! It’s like you can read my mind! I agree with all of it! 😀

    It’s a delicious, sweet kind of torture for fangirly and boys everywhere! When people talk to me about the stuff they watch on tv (usually American programming), and then try ask what I’m following… I’ve gotten SO MANY people hooked on Doctor Who and Sherlock it’s not even funny! I can’t find the appeal in American programming anymore. So yes! This thing you are saying here. 100% true.

  7. Jenna says:

    Ashley, what an adorable summary of what Brit TV does to us…Benedict being the icing on the cake….I chuckled over the Moffat sitting in a dark room with his evil laugh… Ha ha. Great stuff!

  8. Fatima says:

    Reblogged this on Stacks and Ranges and commented:
    Every so often something comes along to make you laugh out loud, yet at the same time say ‘amen sister.’ This is one of those times. Mind you I am ore of a Richard Armitage girl than a Benedict Cumberbatch groupie. No matter what leanings, this is a love letter to British TV fans everywhere.

  9. AuntTezza says:

    I could never be accused of swooning over tv or movie characters (or the actors) because I require a great deal of face to face interaction for relationships. Wait! Don’t throw things yet! I am, however, delighted to watch sharply written, effortless-seeming acting, amazing directing and filming, etc.! This can be accurately measured by the shushing and waving I do while it’s on, despite the fact that I grip the tv remote (with the magic of rewind)…ready to replay a bit I didn’t catch, a clue I want to examine more carefully, or an especially great phrase or scene.

    Yes, it’s true! I love a good BBC program! The way the characters (and actors) play off each other, the dialogue, the silences, the small gestures, the angle and lighting of the scene, the delicate balance of music, details that make the story feel like scenes in a writer’s mind.

    Unlike a wonderful book, and even more heartbreaking, is that my time is limited! My DVR space is too small so I can’t save everything I want, and when the shows come out on DVD, the prices are usually prohibitive. Sometimes it is years or even decades before I see them again (like when I had to wait for an American DVD-Zone version–Dempsey and Makepeace–or shows they still haven’t released yet…”Hope Island,” hint-hint)!

    You, who are enamored with an actor, are the lucky ones! You can find another movie or series for a glimpse of the striking features or mesmerizing eyes! But we feel the same with each sigh, and wish happiness or punishment for the characters. And we scour the program guides impatiently, wanting to be in that place again and share the next experience that only appears at the whim of BBC.

  10. Peter Stensrud says:

    All the lovely hunks : inspector morse, Doyle,inspector Lewis, doc matin. Frost, foyle( foyles war),Poirot and the list goes on ..

  11. Debi Warren says:

    Oh this is so true, I live in Canada and am in love with so many of the British TV Shows, All that were mentioned in the article and more…and yes need more per season and not so long before seasons!!! Keep up the good work and keep them coming.

  12. Sana says:

    I think BBC hates me,like deep down real hatred.Because I cannot find any other explanation for their cruelty to us women.Of being so stingy with series episodes.Each series 3 episodes.Are you kidding me BBC.What’s wrong with you?Why would you parade such kind attractive talented gentleman before us and gives us a show that uses his talent to the fullest.And then make us wait for years and years to have another glimpse of him.And I blame Ben equally.Why is he so kind and nice to us fans? Why can’t he act like a spoilt brat and make us hate him.Coz that might bring us back to hellish reality of life.Why does he have to do great movies?Why can’t he sign up for some romantic comedies or thrillers with big banners and give us all a commercial treat.Its so difficult to wait.I am not even a teenager and this idol worship of Ben is really immature of me.But its impossible to resist this man,

Leave a Reply to Jackie Holmes (@SabakuMuse) Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s