Aw damn, those guys are making Jaime wear his amputated hand around his neck. They literally torture him, mentally and physically. Jaime has now become a sad character, one that you almost feel sorry for – hoping he actually gets away from these cruel men. The tables have turned.
The Master of Whispers and Tyrion have a tête-a-tête about revenge against Stannis while the bald man opens a mysterious crate – the eunuch tells Tyrion the story of his castration by the hands of a sorcerer who drugged him took his manhood, burned it and chanted. He was left to die but survived instead and learned how to use his brain to gain influence so that one day he could have his revenge, he opens the crate and inside is the sorcerer who took his genitals.
Bran has a strange dream about climbing a tree to kill a three-eyed crow when his mom shows up and screams at him not climbing things, she grabs him and he falls from the tree.
Cersei, Joffrey, Margaery, and her grandmother visit the castle and tombs of the dead royalty. Joffrey seems like a kid in a candy store describing all the deaths of his ancestors. As they stand among the tombs the voices of the common folk outside the castle can be heard. Margaery convinces Joffrey that his peasants love him and asks him to give them love (by presenting himself to them) so they would reward him with loyalty. Cersei does not like this but they go outside before she can stop them.
Theon is being led to safety (or so he thinks) by the brilliant bowman who saved him while he tells him the story of being given away to the Starks as a boy. He expresses how he desired to make his father proud by burning down Winterfell but instead he disappointed his real family, the Starks. When the bowman leads him into darkness he follows, lights up the room and Theon’s back in the torture chamber. Theon is seriously an idiot.
Brienne of Tarth gives Jaime a sort of pep talk about survival, telling him he was crying like a woman…haha! She then acknowledges what he did for her by telling the men that Tarth is filled with Sapphires which he knows is not true. Awww…bonded.
Tywin and Cersei have a conversation about keeping a leash on Joffrey, Cersei is afraid that Margaery will play him like a puppet. Tywin says, good I wish you knew how to do that. She challenges Tywin to try and control Joffrey – he takes that challenge. This should be interesting.
The Master of Whispers speaks with Lord Baelish’s first hand woman about his plans for Sansa, she confides that she is certain he is taking Sansa with him when he leaves Kings Landing. Later, Lady Tyrell and the eunuch meet and converse about Sansa and Baelish’s plans for her, the eunuch is sure Baelish is planning to marry her so he can take over the country and “have the key to the north.” He approaches Lady Tyrell to propose Sansa marry his grandson, who I believe is gay. Right? Margaery approaches Sansa with the same idea and she agrees enthusiastically. Sansa is not a bright girl or at least she hasn’t proven herself yet, I hope she wises up soon.
Brothers of the Night’s Watch lose a member to starvation blamed on the Mormonic patriarch of the farm on which they are staying. When they confront the man, all hell breaks loose and the men begin to fight each other. Samwell takes this opportunity to grab the girl he likes and her baby boy and they take off into the woods.
Arya and the gang she rides with take her and her friend to a secret cave where they learn of this group’s cause. They are all deserters of various armies with the intent to kill Joffrey’s guard dog’s brother but instead they take on the guard dog himself with accusations of murder during the war against the Targaryens.
Khaleesi takes possession of her new unsullied army and in exchange hands the a-hole slave owner the leash to her dragon. Of course, she doesn’t intend for him to have the dragon – instead she unleashes the army on him and his men. Cleverly she starts speaking in Valaryian and he realizes all his a-hole comments were understood by her thus Khaleesi’s revenge – cue dragon torching the a-hole. Afterwards, Khaleesi proclaims the army as free men and gives them permission to leave or fight for her at their will. They all choose to follow her and we know that the war with Lannisters will be intense. Go girl!