I never thought I’d say this, but as Diddy presented at the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards, he summed up the event pretty well: “Everybody keep drinking. It’ll be over soon!” Because really, that’s how I imagine the Golden Globes to be – the more fun, light-hearted little brother of the stuffy and sophisticated Academy Awards, where celebrities are allowed to mingle during commercial breaks and consume lots of alcohol (but they probably still can’t wait to go home).
Though three-hour award ceremonies can drag on from time to time, tonight’s show proved to be entertaining through and through. The highlight was, of course, the Best Actor win for an actor who is often nominated but rarely a winner, Leonardo DiCaprio. Next stop, an Oscar? The interwebs are no doubt keeping their fingers crossed.
And now, a brief overview of the most important things we learned from this year’s Golden Globe Awards:
Amy Poehler and Tina Fey need to continue to host everything (unless Neil Patrick Harris is available) as long they keep summarizing films as aptly as Gravity – “the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age.”
Teleprompters can’t be trusted. Poor Jonah Hill and award show newbie Margot Robbie were thrown off by being shown the wrong script, but recovered quickly by reading off of a good old-fashioned paper version.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus has graduated to from sitting in the television section to the film section, and is too cool to take a selfie with Reese Witherspoon.
Robert Downey, Jr. is always a winner. We already knew that, though.
Despite the fact that Leonardo DiCaprio’s eyes literally twinkled when he said Kate Winslet’s name when listing the nominees for Lead Actress in a Drama, we’re still being told that they’re not in love (since she’s married to another man and all – darn it).
Jennifer Lawrence’s status as Internet darling isn’t likely to go anywhere anytime soon following an adorably nervous acceptance speech.
Matt Damon is the garbage person?
Olivia Wilde is quite pregnant and still rocks a tight sparkly gown better than any of us ever could.
Emma Thompson either had a whole lot of fun before presenting, or she just had a whole lot of fun pretending to be tipsy.
The time allotted to make an acceptance speech continues to seemingly decrease by 30 seconds every year. Is this your only chance to thank everyone who has helped in your long career? You have 10 seconds. Go. A part of Spike Jonze’s acceptance speech, and I quote: “Hey, wait! Hold on! I just started!”
And the winners are…
Picture, Drama: 12 Years a Slave
Picture, Musical or Comedy: American Hustle
Actor, Drama: Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club
Actress, Drama: Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine
Director: Alfonso Cuaron, Gravity
Actor, Musical or Comedy: Leonardo DiCaprio, The Wolf of Wall Street
Actress, Musical or Comedy: Amy Adams, American Hustle
Supporting Actor: Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club
Supporting Actress: Jennifer Lawrence, American Hustle
Foreign Language: The Great Beauty
Animated Film: Frozen
Screenplay: Spike Jonze, Her
Original Score: Alex Ebert, All Is Lost
Original Song: “Ordinary Love” (music by Bono, The Edge, Adam Clayton, Larry Mullen Jr. and Brian Burton, lyrics by Bono), “Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom.”
Series, Drama: Breaking Bad
Actor, Drama: Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Actress, Drama: Robin Wright, House of Cards
Series, Musical or Comedy: Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Actress, Musical or Comedy: Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation
Actor, Musical or Comedy: Andy Samberg, Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Miniseries or Movie: Behind the Candelabra
Actress, Miniseries or Movie: Elisabeth Moss, Top of the Lake
Actor, Miniseries or Movie: Michael Douglas, Behind the Candelabra
Supporting Actress, Series, Miniseries or Movie: Jacqueline Bisset, Dancing on the Edge.
Supporting Actor, Series, Miniseries or Movie: Jon Voight, Ray Donovan
With a surprise appearance, Johnny Depp ended the evening by presenting the Best Picture, Drama award to 12 Years a Slave. Why did he attend the show to begin with? Why is his hair yellow? Let’s be real, it doesn’t matter. Johnny Depp is allowed on the TV screen in any form for any reason at any time, and he was most certainly a nice way to cap off the show.
71st Golden Globe Gallery