I hope you don’t find this too informal. It’s just that, I feel like I know you. I mean we technically grew up together, if you recall. First, you captured my heart (and broke it) as Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. By the way, just so you know, that fictional death has yet to not render tears (okay, they’re more like sobs… but what happens while watching Harry Potter is between me and my television screen only) every single time I watch it. Kudos, my friend. I can usually move passed on-screen deaths after I’ve seen them multiple times, but yours will forever make me feel irrevocably (or at least, it feels that way in the moment) depressed.
But then by God’s good graces, or perhaps the sheer brilliance of Mary Tricia Wood, Deborah Aquila and Catherine Hardwicke, you were cast as Edward Cullen in The Twilight Saga, and for the duration of my high school years I could swoon over the intelligent, self-deprecating version of you with the rest of the world. And it was even better because you playing this role meant I got to see you in multiple interviews, like, all the time. You sat in front of the camera with nothing to prove and let your witty and charming personality pour out without filter. Needless to say, in these pivotal moments I knew that our love precedes physical attraction alone. Is it okay that I say “our” love? Not stepping too far? Okay, good.
Did it stop there? Oh, no, Rob. You then proceeded to take on the roles of Tyler in Remember Me, and Jacob in Water for Elephants, delivering a performance in both films that both impressed me and made me fall even more in love with you. Which is strange, you know, considering I already had a life-size standup of you in my bedroom at the time. I thought that kind of meant I would top out in the way I felt for you… but this love is one that just keeps on giving.
So, it’s in this moment that I must ask you straight up: Are you quitting acting? Rumors have been stirring around the Internet, saying that you’re done being in front of the camera. Why, Rob, oh why would you do that to me? Don’t you know how much I’d miss you running your fingers through that insanely beautiful, messy head of hair? I think I speak for a large percent of the population when I say that you’d be bowing out way, way too soon. Besides, if you quit acting and fade out of the spotlight, how am I ever going to find you when I graduate and am ready to get married? Think about it.