Everything I ever needed to know I learned from… Jenna Marbles

(Image Credit: Jenna Marbles)
(Image Credit: Jenna Marbles)

If there is anyone out there notorious for being YouTube’s face of comedy, it’s Jenna Marbles. The 28-year-old Internet personality began her rise to fame in 2010 with the video “How to trick people into thinking you’re good looking,” and has gained upwards of 14 million subscribers since. The sarcastic, tell-it-like-it-is attitude that Jenna delivers is not only hilarious, but she also makes some valid points and can teach everyone something that they didn’t know already. Here are some of the valuable tidbits of information that she’s taught me.

Makeup can be deceiving

Not happy with the way you look? Not a problem! Mid makeup application, Jenna reminds us, “the goal is to look nothing like yourself.” Just slap a bunch of products onto your face, put on fake tan to avoid looking like a ghost, and bleach your hair until it’s about to fall off. All of your beauty problems will be solved.

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How to avoid people

Most females who have ever been to a club have probably experienced the persistent guy that Jenna describes in one of her videos who is trying to dance up on you in ways that are just not warranted or pleasant. Thankfully, she provides a solution. Instead of telling someone to go away if you don’t want to talk to them, just stare them in the eyes and make an opened-mouth face of shock, disgust and confusion. When they laugh, do not stop. Just stand there saying absolutely nothing until they’re convinced that you are a freak. They should leave you alone in no time.

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Guys can be figured out easily

They’re not as mysterious as we thought! When they’re online, guys check ESPN and stalk ex-girlfriends and other attractive females on Facebook. When in the car, they speed to feel like they’re in The Fast and The Furious, stare at girls walking by, fly through stop signs and past pedestrians and listen to ‘nasty’ tunes. Also, they lie about how much they lift at the gym, how many girls they’ve been with, how often they cry, watch porn, or cheat, and say they can drink way more than they truly can. Now we know.

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. . . And so can girls

Jenna has a few videos out there covering the bases of what different female physical qualities mean. She discusses nails in one. Short nails mean that she actually has things to do, round means she’s conservative, stiletto means she hates children and is a great nose picker, neon means when she’s not at raves, she’s raving by herself and so forth. In another, she covers shoes. Sneakers mean she’s active, flip flops mean it’s hot and she loves denim minis, tennis shoes mean she’s going to Disneyland with her kids and has her visor in tow and cowboy boots means she dances on bars and loves Kenny Chesney. If you’re wondering how to decode eyebrows, hair, or makeup, she has kindly made videos on these mysteries, too.

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Be yourself

Although not everyone is amused by Jenna’s satirical humor, her videos make the important point to be yourself and stop worrying so much about what other people think of you. Nobody can deny that she isn’t afraid to make herself look completely ridiculous on camera in front of millions of viewers. Try to take a page out of her book every once in a while and ignore other people’s criticisms.

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Most of all, though, don’t take her advice too literally!

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I was born and raised in New Jersey, but after attending the University of Vermont, Burlington, VT, has become my home away from home. I’ll take Netflix and my couch over a night out every time, and I’m very happy to spend my (increasingly rarer) spare moments reading and writing.

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