It was spring semester of my senior year of college when I met a boy who later would later be known as The One that Got Away. After having taken the time off I would still have one more semester afterward as a “super senior” to finish my credits to graduate, but at the time I tried not to think about that or the embarrassing moniker whenever possible. I had just returned to school after winter break and was looking forward to a night of pizza and booze with friends. My new friend Stacy had come to my dorm room to help me carry the alcohol I had acquired back to her room for the get together. On the way down the hall, she stopped in an open door and invited two boys to come over for the festivities. She clearly knew them and somehow I did not. The one boy looked vaguely familiar with his super friendly smile, I was pretty sure I had run into him and his cheery self in the hallway at some point, but the other boy I didn’t remember seeing ever before. His smile, decidedly less sugar coated happiness, caught my eye. I added an embarrassing aside about how I was bringing alcohol so they should come and then kicked myself for it mentally the entire way to Stacy’s room.
By the time we got back to her shared dorm room, most of our friends were already gathered. I squished in a spot in front of the bunk beds on a small pull-out pillow cot concoction I liked to take naps on Sunday mornings after brunch. We started making drinks and prepping for movie time when low and behold, the one who caught my eye arrives minus Mr. Cheery. I think I blush a little as I try not to stare too much. Since I’ve planted myself in the middle, he winds up sitting behind me diagonally. My only option for communication is to continually turn around and offer him slices of pizza from the box in front of me. Very smooth. Then the movie starts and I fall asleep before it’s over because I don’t drink often and whoever made my cocktail way overestimated my tolerance. I don’t wake up ’til the next morning and trudge back across campus wondering if I could have possibly made a stranger first impression on the one who caught my eye.
Never one to have much patience, I knock on his door later that day and begin rambling about how strange it is we’ve never met instead of waiting to inevitably run into the one who caught my eye again among mutual friends. But it’s ok, because we get to talking and he doesn’t seem to mind the intrusion. And the longer we talk the more I realize he’s incredibly smart and funny and generally everything I like in a guy. I wonder how he could have been living down the hall an entire semester without me noticing, and if I’m not mistaken, it seems like he’s thinking the same thing as his continues to smile at me.
Over the next few weeks we begin to pop in on each other regularly, laughing about random things our friends have done and sharing meals of Easy Mac. I think we would be perfect together, except I think he’s been in love with one of my friends, Jolene, since long before he’s known me. Seeing as I’ve been down this road before with Indecision, I decide to be content with friendship and begin causally seeing someone else. We even discuss my potential new relationship, and he’s surprised I’m interested in his fellow science major, joking about the type of guys he thought I would be into, guys more like his rich preppy roommate or jocky athlete types heavy on the muscle and low on the IQ. It’s said with a laugh, but I can tell he really believes that about me, and it hurts me a little. He seems surprised by my reaction, but I don’t give him a chance to ask about my change in mood before I fake a smile and say I have to be somewhere. I tell myself his poor opinion of me hurt because all this time I thought we connected as friends, but I know the truth. I’ve done it again, falling for someone unattainable.
I stop dating and try to concentrate on me…and ignoring my feelings for the one that caught my eye. But it’s not easy and in a moment of weakness I finally ask him about his feeling for Jolene. He tells me how he used to have feelings for her, but not anymore and he’s earnest, and honest, and I believe him. That night he sits a little closer than usual while we write papers on our laptops, but I try not to read into it, not until he asks me over to watch a foreign movie and he cuddles up next to me on the futon we’ve laid on the floor, making a ridiculous pillow and blanket fort with. It’s hard to read the subtitles as my mind runs through all the possible scenarios of what all of this could mean, and then suddenly the movie is over and I’m saying, “It’s late.” to ease my nerves and distance myself from the situation. He smiles at me and tells me I could stay; as if my room is twenty blocks away and not a mere twenty feet down the hall.
I look into his brilliant blue-green eyes and I know I’m completely safe with him. He won’t try anything more daring than the act of asking me to stay, which I can tell has him now embarrassed by my lack of response. “Ok.” slips through my lips and I find myself climbing the shaky bunk bed ladder and crawling under the covers, a resounding what the heck are you doing echoing in my brain. The pillow I lay my head on smells like him and when he crawls in beside me, I feel completely engulfed by him. Every feeling I had tried to avoid comes bubbling to the surface and for some reason it brings a tear to my eye that I bury in the pillow, pretending I’m already sleeping. He gently puts his arm around me, as if he’s afraid I might slap him away at any moment, and when I don’t he eases letting the weight of his embrace envelop me further. He gently places a kiss on the back of my shoulder blade before resting his own head, and I want to say something, anything about the way I feel for him, but I’m too afraid to ruin this moment…so I continue pretending to be asleep the rest of the night, only drifting off here and there.
The next day I slip out of bed while he’s sleeping, and grab the shoes I kicked off and sweatshirt I had discarded while Mr. Cheery the roommate gives me a thumbs up with his over enthusiastic smile. It doesn’t take much imagination to figure out what he thinks has gone on, but I rather make a speedy exit than try to convince him otherwise. When I return to my own room, I collapse in my bed wondering if he really did kiss my shoulder, of if I had dreamed it while I dozed in and out of sleep. Too tired to consider it further, I finally pass out from exhaustion.
I’ve barely slept when I’m awoken by a knock at the door. It’s the one that caught my eye, and he’s bundled to the nines telling me we’re going sledding with his friends. Sledding on no sleep…in the cold…without any time to process what just happened. I try to convince him I’ll go sledding another time, but his eyes are sparkling and his crooked smile is spread wide across his face so I go. We would later call it our first date. Later that day I tell him I have feelings for him and he kisses me in one of those moments that they play fireworks behind in a movie.
We decide not to tell any of our friends we’re dating at first, and it’s nice having the privacy as we’re just starting out, until things become slightly uncomfortable as both Jolene and another girl decide that he’s “boyfriend material” and start flirting with him mercilessly at group gatherings. Eventually we have to say something and everyone is shocked by the revelation, but by then we’re just glad to have it out in the open.
I fall madly, deeply in love with him. I truly believe, even to this day, that he did the same. For a long time things were good. Really good. We were that couple among friends that other people wanted to be like. Happy and secure, and looking like we would be together forever. But even good relationships take work, and over time we both got lazy. And as we did, doubts crept in for me about whether or not he was still the same boy who caught my eye and acted like he was the proudest man in the world when he first introduced me to his friends back home as his girlfriend. I was no innocent in the situation; the less appreciated I felt, the more difficult I became to deal with, and the more I looked for appreciation elsewhere. I began to spend more and more of my time with a friend of a friend who was more like the stereotype the one who caught my eye had first accused me of being attracted to: A handsome, rich, preppy type, with relationship issues of his own all too eager to spend his time with me.
Right before the end of my final extra semester at college, when I would be leaving for good, and everyone else would be returning in the spring, things became more strained than ever and when we had a fight where he slammed a door in my face and said he didn’t want to speak to me again. I took it as the absolute end. Even that night as I laid in bed crying, I knew that although he was wrong to say it, he hadn’t really meant “ever again” and it wasn’t a break up in his mind. But it was in mine. I had reached a point where I no longer felt loved by him…and was beginning to feel cared for by someone else. It led to the most miserable birthday week in the history of birthday weeks, including missing my own birthday party, and a reckless remaining few weeks at school that I would seriously come to regret. I began to date the friend of a friend who by then had ended his own messed up relationship, because I suck at love and always make the wrong choices. I pretended like my heart didn’t still belong to the one who caught my eye and he acted like I was his absolute dream girl. Acted, the most important word in the sentence, because he would later become known as the Sociopath. But that’s another story…
As Rebecca Wells so brilliantly put it, “There is the truth of history, and there is the truth of what a person remembers.” I’ll try to bridge that gap as I tell you the story of how I eventually figured out I suck at love. Come back weekly for new installments.
I didn’t even realize I sucked at love until I was sitting alone by a fountain in a foreign country trying to get my hopelessly useless international mobile to work. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to hear a familiar voice, or even better yet be back across the ocean where I could try to make things right, but neither was about to happen, so I settled for a good ugly cry instead. While locals looked on with a lack of interest that seemed to suggest I was not the first American girl to pick this spot for a breakdown, I reflected on how I wound up there, feeling so very alone, a stranger in a strange place. And that’s when it hit me. I sucked at love. Not so much at falling in love – that came way too easily to me and way too often – rather at the act of maintaining it. But I’m getting ahead of myself. You see, I didn’t just wind up by a beautiful sixteenth century fountain having major life epiphanies overnight. No, it was a long series of events, right turns instead of left, makeups and breakups, what if’s and second tries that brought me to that moment. So let’s start at the most logical place… somewhere in the middle. Continue reading
Let’s face it: date night can get a little repetitive. There’s nothing wrong with the classic dinner-and-a-movie combo, but sometimes it’s nice to switch up your routine. If you’re feeling like you’re stuck in a rut, look no further than your favorite films to inspire some creativity! Continue reading
I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. You don’t have to rely on, dote on or wait on anyone else. Nobody is holding you back; the world is your oyster! As great as all of this may seem, being a single girl in a coupled world can still be a struggle. Make things a little easier on your single friends, folks, and try to stop spewing these 10 lines at them. Continue reading
Dating. Some people love the word. For others, it’s a cringe-inducing little bugger. Life would be so easy if only we were all like magnets, attracted and propelled towards the person we’re meant to be with. Unfortunately, to win the dating game you have to play the dating game. And whether we find dating an incredibly fun pastime or an annoying necessity, we’re all sure to encounter some of the same experiences. Continue reading
The mere thought of meeting a potential partner could be very frightening, yet endearing. Butterflies fill your belly as you imagine how a prospective and hypothetical meeting would unfold. I will stop you there. First, you need to make sure the place where you meet the person you are crushing on is not one of the WORST places to greet or get to know someone. Continue reading
Avan Jogia and Victoria Justice
Co-stars on Nickelodeon’s Victorious, Avan and Victoria have proved their on-screen chemistry. But it’s the relationship that followed that showed their power-couple potential. There hasn’t been a time that they’ve been interviewed or seen together that they aren’t laughing. They tease each other, but most of all they support each other. Victoria took to Instagram to wish her dear friend a happy birthday with an awesome collage of the most adorable pictures. How cute of a couple would these young stars be?
Colton Haynes and Lucy Hale
Oh, Colton Haynes. The heartthrob and social media comedian that more and more people are falling in love with as he rises to super-stardom. However, he’s had one good friend that he’s kept from the very early stages of his career, one that even I, a pronounced fan, would love to see him end up with: Lucy Hale. I love two people who aren’t afraid to be goofy with one another, which is definitely a great description for these two best friends. Not to mention they both have voices of angels, so I wouldn’t be opposed to an awesome duet. Colton even covered Lucy’s debut song, and she took to Twitter to express her love for him. Can you be like, IN love, please?
Zac Efron and Taylor Swift
It’s been awhile since we’ve heard of any connections with both of these stars, which is pretty ideal for Zac Efron, but not so much for Taylor Swift. When they worked on The Lorax together, Ellen DeGeneres was the first to ask the question in all of our heads: Are you guys dating? They denied it, of course, and the rumors died down, but a picture surfaced on Zac’s Twitter from his last appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show that gives me hope for these two of rekindling the romance that never was. We see gorgeous Zac with a guitar in hand, posted against a picture of him and Taylor with a caption that reads, “Wish you were here.” Uhm, what? They would undoubtedly be a power couple (just don’t go writing any mean songs about my boy Zac, Taylor).
Josh Hutcherson and Jennifer Lawrence
I wish I could hold a big, neon, blinking sign at these two that says, “WHY AREN’T YOU DATING?” They have more chemistry off-screen than they do on-screen playing Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games. Every interview they do together they naturally play off one another, joke with one another and show so much evident affection. They are absolutely best friends, but I think, and I know I’m not alone in this desire, that they should be more than that. Come on guys, you could be the younger, funnier version of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. The world needs that celebrity couple to gawk over, and I will not be satisfied until it’s the two of you.
Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet
And finally, the most adorable and simultaneously frustrating friendship that every girl has envied since 1997: Leo and Kate. Since they worked together on Titanic, the two have been proclaimed and inseparable best friends. They attend events together. They gush about each other in interviews. They laugh together, they cry together and…basically, they do everything a couple would do together. Only they aren’t a couple. Please, tell me why? Kate is seemingly the only woman to have a lasting effect on Leo. I’m still so confused as to why they haven’t moved in a romantic direction and will be pulling for them until the day I die. Jack and Rose forever!
Image courtesy of Gage Skidmore
Whether you’ve been dating a week or dating a year, you want to be sure you’re with the right guy. You don’t want to give all your love to the wrong one. Sure, your bf may be a hunkcicle, but girl, you are special. And you deserve to find a guy who deserves you. Here are just a few things that may be indicators that your McDreamy may not really be the man of your dreams. Continue reading
In world where Ben and Jerry’s and Netflix combine to make a perfectly enjoyable evening for yourself, you may feel like a little something is still missing. Oh yea, maybe someone to enjoy those things with you – some of that basic human interaction that our species strives for. Especially considering many of today’s single candidates include working individuals who maybe don’t have the time to physically explore the dating world. So, how about that online dating? Continue reading
Before two and a half years ago, I had never been in a relationship and I never knew how much it hurt to miss someone so much. He’s my best friend, the person I share everything with, my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first “I love you.” He’s the first person to make me actually like the gooey romantics that come with a relationship, and he’s going to Spain for nine months.
The prospect of losing your best friend for nine months is hard to cope with, after all, in every movie and television series the long distance relationships never work out (and if they do, the outcome is blatantly unrealistic…I’m talking about you, The Notebook). Not to mention, when you tell your friends and family that your boyfriend is leaving the country for nine months there is one of two reactions you receive: a long pause followed by “are you going to stay together?” or a hopeless look of sympathy. But not to worry, we are in this together! Take a deep breath, accept that this is happening, and refrain from crying. Continue reading
He has been the object of our affection and our desires since we first saw him loudly, and rightfully, declare he was “The king of the world!” in Titanic. Now the dreamy, blue-eyed blondie has grown up into a strappingly handsome man who has catapulted himself into superstardom, all the while maintaining a heart of gold, and surprisingly managing to stay level-headed despite his A-list status. But how does a regular girl, like myself, manage to land a man like Leo? Read on for the regular girl’s guide to landing the one and only Leonardo DiCaprio: