There’s a good reason you haven’t hung out with that old friend…

BRIDESMAIDS (Image Credit: Universal Studios)

BRIDESMAIDS (Image Credit: Universal Studios)

We all have that one friend from back in the day who we think was so spontaneous and so much fun. Every now and then they pop into our lives, and we make plans thinking it will be a great time. After all, we haven’t seen each other in months (or years) and we’ve been friends forever.

We talk our old friend up to our new friends like he or she is the epitome of a good time and reminisce about all the wacky memories we’ve made together. And when the day arrives of the scheduled hang out we’re totally pumped for what will be an amazing night.

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We expect to be completely in tune with our long lost bestie…

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And that the night is going to be awesome.

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Then our old friend does their first questionable thing of the evening…

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Like greeting everyone with highly offensive language, and you’re left like…

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You think maybe it’s just a fluke. You can forgive a little colorful language in the name of old times and having a good night.

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But then the next thing you know your old friend is throwing back drinks like it’s about to be prohibition…

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And disgustingly making out with a random in the middle of the dance floor.

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Before you know it, your new friends are confronting you all like, “I thought you said this person was awesome,” and you’re like…

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So you pull your old friend aside and you try to calmly explain this kind of behavior is not acceptable.

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And you think you have things under control until you get back from the restroom to find your old friend standing on the bar making insane proclamations.

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And all your new friends are like…

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Then you start to remember why it’s been so long since you hung out with your old friend…

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And all the memories of how they’ve caused chaos in your life in the past, like the time they drunkenly threw up on your roommate’s bed before taking your keys and driving over your foot,  come streaming back as your frustration level hits overdrive.

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So you try one more time to get things under control,

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But your old friend just laughs it off between shouting out inappropriately wrong lyrics to the song blasting in the background…

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At that point your new friends decide they’re going to “check out another bar”…

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And you and good ol’ days aren’t invited to come along.

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But even though you’re mad you kind of get it…

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Until you realize you’re stuck dealing with this disaster on your own…

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And even you feel like you need to bail…

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But you stick it out watching with secondhand (and personal) embarrassment…

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Because you’re not the kind of person who leaves a friend hanging…

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Until your old friend starts to pick a fight with the bouncer and you finally can’t take it anymore…

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And drag your old friend to the uber you called when they weren’t looking.

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Then when you finally get them home, after arguing non-stop about whether or not Sushi City is still serving and having to stop for them to get sick several times, you bid your old friend a fond farewell…

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Knowing you have no intention of ever seeing this person again after what they’ve put you through… at least until some time goes by and you forget what makes them so horrible all over again.

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Why are High School Friends so Hard to Keep?

(Image Credit: william87)

(Image Credit: william87)

Friends are hard to keep. And all those friends you made throughout primary school and eventually graduated with always seem to be the first to go.

As everyone gears up to take on the next phase of their lives, whether that be going to college, starting their career, or taking a gap year; all the old friends that roamed their high school halls together seem to fade apart. And, interestingly enough, this eerie little situation is expected. Why?

In my research and personal experience, it seems that there are three main reasons:

  1. Opportunity, Not Preference

People often choose their friends based on who is the easiest to connect with the most often rather than who we like the most. Sociologist, Gerald Mollenhorst, surveyed men and women between the ages of 18 and 65 about their friendships and then re-interviewed them seven years later to find that only 30 percent of original friendships remained. The main reason for this a disruption in social context. And this change in social context tore friends apart regardless of the closeness of the relationship.

Basically, almost all of us feel this change in social context after high school graduation. We are no longer forced to attend the same school every weekday, thus our opportunity to be friends with people from primary school is hindered. And research shows that, even if this person is our soul mate, there is about a 70% chance we will dump them because it’s harder to connect with them as often as we need.

  1. Personal Growth

But let’s say your social context hasn’t been so disrupted. Maybe you go to the same college as a friend, or your breaks happen to fall on the same weeks, or you both still live and work in your hometown. Why does it still feel like your drifting apart?

Many people account this to one’s growth as a person. Interests, passions, and hobbies change, and at a rapid pace in 18-22 year olds. As this happens, old friends can find they have fewer connections to each other.

For example, one blogger references mocking feminism with one of her friends, but now is a feminist herself. Or how she used to bond over sports with another friend, but now they don’t live in the same area so getting together to play can be difficult.

Lots of people experience this. The well of shared interests and activities slowly dries up between people until, eventually, there’s not a whole lot left. It can be saddening, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Growth in yourself means your progressing more to who you’re meant to be, and your good high school friends helped lead you on this path.

  1. Titles Change

I go to college in a different state with no one from my high school. But, naturally, I’ll tell stories from back home and reference people from my hometown. Often, I give them the new subtitle: “Friend from High School,” when they used to just be “Friend.”

It’s a small change, but these words work furiously behind the scenes.

Because I’ve given them this new moniker, they have become someone from my past rather than a present friend who is actively a part of my life. I feel less inclined to talk to them every day and have come to expect not see them very often at all. Soon, when I used to see this person a certain amount of times per week or month in order to maintain them as a “Friend,” I feel that the occasional message on Facebook does the job for the “Friend from High School” relationship we have now.

A change in someone’s title, even without a disruption in social context, affects how one treats them. I mean, why do you think some people are so opposed to being called a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”? There are certain expectations and behaviors that come with the monikers we give to people. These social pressures work on us whether or not we’re aware.

Humans, man. We’re social creatures.

All in all, high school friends are extremely important. They give you some of your first adult memories. They lead you onto the path your on today. Some can be people you cling to for the rest of your life for guidance, confidence, and company. And there are tons of articles out there dedicated to giving tips to those trying to maintain their high school relationships.

But it’s also imperative to know that it’s OKAY to lose your friends from high school. Lots of people do. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you, it just means your social context and personality are changing which is a good thing. Life wouldn’t be fun if you weren’t progressing through it, going on to bigger and better things, and meeting new people.

A Breakdown of Taylor Swift’s Squad

(Image Credit: Taylor Swift/Instagram)

(Image Credit: Taylor Swift/Instagram)

Alright, alright, alright. If you follow me on Twitter, you can see just how much I wish I was part of Taylor Swift’s squad. Seriously. Taylor has created a group that defines #SquadGoals. But, to be honest, I can’t even keep up with who’s actually in the squad or who’s just a special guest. That is why this article needs to happen. We’re about to give you a break down on Tay Tay’s squad once and for all. Continue reading

To the Friend I Left Behind

(Image Credit: Eugenio Marongiu)

(Image Credit: Eugenio Marongiu)

This is written in response to an article titled To The Friend Who Moved Away. Continue reading

Tara Talks: Episode Thirty Two (The One with the Friendzone)

TARA TALKS (Image Credit: Tara Robinson)

TARA TALKS (Image Credit: Tara Robinson)

We’ve all been there! Either having to friendzone someone or having someone put you there. Unfortunately, I have no advice to give you. Sorry there, but hey I can at least tell you to just get over it and find someone who actually wants to be with you and can give you 100%! Continue reading

What You Can Learn from Treating Best Friends Like Boyfriends and Boyfriends Like Best Friends

(Image Credit: Savage Ultralight)

(Image Credit: Savage Ultralight)

Unlike family, boyfriends and best friends are the people you choose to have in your life. For this reason, I have never known how to treat them. How do you treat the people you don’t need to have around, but want to? (Or, sometimes, don’t want to? Or shouldn’t?) I am no stranger to bad boyfriends or bad friends (we’ve all had a few), and I’ve struggled to come up with a way to sift through all the bullshit that comes with either of these strange, tenuous and wonderful brands of interpersonal relationship. Continue reading

Why Your Mom Will Always Be Your Best Friend

(Image Credit: Eva_Eva79)

(Image Credit: Eva_Eva79)

For most girls, there comes a point somewhere on the timeline consisting of loose teeth, training bras, first crushes, high school drama, going away to college, finding our first jobs and everything else in between, where we realize our moms aren’t just our moms, but our friends as well. For me, that came one particular fall afternoon when I was 11 and my mom was driving me to piano practice. We were laughing and singing along to the radio and it struck me how insanely cool it was this lady who I got to call “Mom.” It was like a switch went off knowing that while she was my mom first, she was also my friend. Moms are pretty selfless people with a lot of give and very little take. We should all be appreciative of all the big and little things they do for us (let’s face it, a lot of us would be malfunctioning hot messes if it weren’t for our moms), but we also shouldn’t forget to recognize our moms not just for that title alone, but for the incredible people they are – the types of people we would be lucky to call our friends. In honor of moms everywhere, here are ten reasons why you’ll always be able to call your mom one of your best friends. Continue reading

The Stigma of High School Friendships

(Image Credit: Eugenio Marongiu)

(Image Credit: Eugenio Marongiu)

About a month ago, I was scrolling through my university’s Facebook confessions page when I came across a post raving and ranting about how “pathetic” people who remain close with their high school friends are. While the post garnered several hundred likes, there was a hot debate going on in the comment sections about whether or not people agreed with the author’s thoughts. Half seemed to think it was a ridiculous statement while the other half argued that if you could call your high school friends close friends still, you were doing college wrong. This post didn’t make me angry just because I am someone who has managed to maintain many of my close friendships from high school, but because I do not understand the need to pass judgment on people who may be living their life a bit differently than yours. The stigma that appears to be in place when it comes to high school friendships is ridiculous, and as someone who still calls her high friends close friends, I’m calling its bluff. Continue reading

How to Tell if You’ve Made a Lifelong Best Friend

(Image Credit: Eugenio Marongiu)

(Image Credit: Eugenio Marongiu)

I will be the first to admit I’m spoiled. I was lucky enough to meet my closest friend, Jennifer, at five years old and to have maintained that relationship for the past twenty five years. I have always known she was my best friend, and never had to wonder if we were close enough for me to share my TMI stories, if I would be bothering her if I asked for a favor or if I could trust her with my deepest darkest secrets. There’s never been any question in my mind about our sisters by choice status, but it’s rare to have one, nevermind multiple lifelong close friends. We all eventually find ourselves making new friends, cultivating those relationships and then wondering are we BFFs yet? And more importantly, will we be in a month, year or decade from now? There is currently no app for that, so I figured I would lay out the three signs you’ll be best friends for life as decided by me. Continue reading

10 Worst Things to Say to Single Friends

(Image Credit: Oneinchpunch)

(Image Credit: Oneinchpunch)

I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. You don’t have to rely on, dote on or wait on anyone else. Nobody is holding you back; the world is your oyster! As great as all of this may seem, being a single girl in a coupled world can still be a struggle. Make things a little easier on your single friends, folks, and try to stop spewing these 10 lines at them. Continue reading

Tara Talks: Episode Six (The bonus one with Galentine’s Day)

(Image Credit: Tara Robinson / The Daily Quirk)

(Image Credit: Tara Robinson / The Daily Quirk)

Valentine’s Day? More like GALentine’s Day! I decided to throw a party with my best gal pals thanks to Claire at Simple Chic Events. What games would you have at a Valentine’s Day party? Let me know in the comments and come back next week for another episode of Tara Talks!

TDQ Tags TDQblogger033

Tara Talks: Episode Four (The one with Listening to Your Friends)

(Image Credit: Tara Robinson / The Daily Quirk)

(Image Credit: Tara Robinson / The Daily Quirk)

In last weeks episode I talked about my horror stories from the app Tinder and why I should’ve listened to my friends. So what better way to discuss “Why you should listen to your friends” than to bring one of my best friends on and talk about mistakes I’ve made in relationships when I didn’t listen to what she said by missing obvious red flags. Let me know below if you’ve encountered any situation where you were clearly blind in a relationship and realized your friend was right all along.
Tune in next Tuesday for a special Valentines Day video!
Continue reading

(Image Credit: Tara Robinson / The Daily Quirk)

Tara Talks: Episode Two (The one with B*tch Face)

(Image Credit: Tara Robinson / The Daily Quirk)

(Image Credit: Tara Robinson / The Daily Quirk)

For the second episode of Tara Talks I discuss how difficult it is to suffer from RBF, also known as Resting Bitch Face. I discuss the many perks and obviously the downsides of having a restless face that makes me look like a mean person. Let me know in the comments if you suffer from RBF!
Continue reading

Is Peer Pressure Making You Broke?

(Image Credit: Wavebreak Media Micro)

(Image Credit: Wavebreak Media Micro)

Let’s face it: most of us don’t have unlimited funds. Although I often wish this were the case, budgeting is a necessity for me to maintain a balance between saving sufficient money and spending when I feel I can afford it. However, there is no question that there is often social pressure to spend money that isn’t exactly within the budget. Even though only good intentions are surely driving our acquaintances to push us to spend more, it can make a significant dent in anyone’s bank account. Continue reading